he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
