i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So squirting runs in the family.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
