Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
