That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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