I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
