my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she peed on how many people?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
