Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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