I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize