Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
