It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
