i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
