My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Rumble strips road head = magical
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
