don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
