Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
