we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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