Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
