So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
