no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
