Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize