i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
