one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
