shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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