Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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