im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
