I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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