I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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