This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
