3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
