He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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