pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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