She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to sanitize my soul.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
