You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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