K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
