Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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