why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
