You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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