Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
