I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
