I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
