i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
