dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
