I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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