Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
