Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
