wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
