I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
