I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
