dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
