Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
