I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
