i permit you to call me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
