she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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