you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
