I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
