Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
