i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
