Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
