just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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