She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
