dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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