Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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