Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
