We got so high we made milksteak
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
