You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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