Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
