break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
