It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize